Find her

Sometimes I feel sad. I am told it is me not you. I am told I need to change. That I cannot rely on anyone else to aid my happiness. I am told to change a lot. Change your attitude, change the way you view things change how you feel about a situation. Can I say I am so sick of others telling me to look within. You gotta find yourself then you’ll be happy. But i am right here. I hate when people claim I’m a lost. That I need to find my soul. My beliefs are well written and rehearsed. Who I am tattooed on my palms, so I never forget. I hate being preached at. I am the present me. I’m growing and changing. I have good days and bad. But each day is a struggle between blaming myself for every feeling I have and blaming others for not allowing me to feel anything without being dismissed. You’re not really feeling this way because of me, you’re feeling this because you are lost, broken, damaged goods. Go fix yourself, find yourself, anything that puts your issues in isolation. In I don’t want to deal with your problems land. You you you. Inside I have this desire to be heard. To get that one sentence that has been on the tip of my tongue out. Let me speak. Give me a chance to process. Let me tell you what hurts me without telling me my feelings are wrong. Let me feel. Do not deny me my voice. The most intimate part of me. Let you feel. Let’s just be human. I’m sorry if I feel more than you.

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I am yours

A year ago

I would never believe 

That 

Someone, you 

Could love me 

No longer someone, 

Something 

To dispose of 

I am not 

what I have been told 

Through actions 

Garbage, trash, tainted 

I am what you see 

Beautiful and flawed 

God heard me and said I love you 

So he gave you to me

Thank you 

I whisper each night 

I lay with you 

You kiss me so sweetly

I am enough for you

I have you 

Hold me tight 

You set me free

I did not know happiness is something one could hold, 

Someone 

But I found you, 

Somewhere in between 

someone save me from myself and 

I saved me from myself 

liberated 

Am or am not 

Secure 

Perfectly designed yet flawed 

Does god smile at his work

When an apple falls but you make a pie with the brused 

Were you always meant to taste so sweet 

They say you find your home in the ones you love 

Why am I living in the unfinished basement of a beautiful soul

I know you’re building something better

With me or for me

I know you love me 

Never alone 

But sometimes I feel lonely 

You hold me 

I will build you something beautiful 

Life 

In the pasting 

Time is marked 

Cycle of the trees

Budding life,

Green 

spectrum of yellow and red 

And to the roots 

you start again

Empty spaces between

It was not until you

I noticed 

I am empty 

These spaces have always been 

hollow 

My hand aches

someone to fill her creases 

Why do I ache 

It has been this way 

Five fingers, four creases 

no longer complete 

The curves of an hourglass 

A lone 

Puzzle piece that has been lost 

And it was not until 

I open the box 

That I noticed 

It was missing 

One beating heart 

empty space 

filled by a lock

You held the key 

I did not notice I was 

Empty